And what stacking rings can tell you about how much space you give your child.
Just have a look at the photo. I am sure you recognize this, the classic stacking rings toy with rings in different shapes and sizes.
What is your first reaction to the tower on the left… Honestly ? ?
I will tell you what my first reaction was: “Oh no, that’s not right!” When my daughter came to show me her first self made stacking tower all by her self. “Oops….” was my immediate thought right after it. “What am I doing? Why is it ‘not’ right? What did she do wrong?”
Is it not stacked the way it supposed to be, or not in the way I would do it, or it doesn’t look nice this way? A lot of judgement in a very short time…Well, actually within 3 seconds.
It was so beautiful to see her proud face when she came to show me her creation. She tried to put all the rings on the stick all by herself, and she did it! She only sees her amazing result. No mental images or judgments or thoughts of how it’s supposed to be that are bothering her. What a beautiful way to live in the moment…but how quickly do we actually manage to take that innocence and presence away from them?
What does this say about myself and the way I teach things to my daughter?
Okay, if I purely look at what I would like to teach my daughter is that she can find her own way, explore the world by herself and that she learns to think and act out-of-the-box. Well, looks like I am doing quiet the opposite here ?. Apparently there are a lot of ‘truths’ imprinted, even when it comes to stacking rings on a stick. That’s an absolute eye-opener for myself.
And this is how in daily life we constantly act to keep our children in line. Of course it is a big part of parenting, to make sure your children are being alright. And there is no right or wrong in parenting. Everyone makes their own choices, finds their own way and always out of love for the child.
But this simple example is just showing that most of the time we act from patterns, from common norms and values. How we are used to do things or how we once learned it. And if we truly want to break free from it and give our children space to find their own path, we should act more consciously. We should ask ourselves every time why we are reacting this was. Am I doing this because this is how it is supposed to be, because this is how I learned it or because this is really how I want it to be?
And what do I want for my child, what values do I want to instill? And what does my child have to say in the matter?
“Give me some space”
This is what happens during a Child in Mind attunement as well. If I bring too much of my own thoughts and ideas, than the attunement will go very different as when I hear the other person with an open mind and without any judgments. It is really important to be present for the other person, without assuming what you think is needed. During an attunement this goes more naturally, because we are connected on a deeper level. I let go of my thoughts and see the bigger picture. The conversation is going beyond the personality, the ego and comes straight from the heart. And what I often hear from children during an attunement is that they really want some space. That they want to try things their own way, find their own path. And that they want to get involved, to contribute in their own unique way to the family.
When we as parents give our children space and let hem grow in a way they themselves have in mind (something they clearly know during an attunement), we give them the most precious gift of all times!
And along the way we do learn a lot too ? .
Are you curious if your child is asking for more space during a Child in Mind attunement? Or do you give yourself enough space to truly be yourself?
Request your Child in Mind attunement here and listen to what comes up for you.
Warm regards,
Marieke Nijland
Child in Mind worker
